top of page

Lonely versus aloneness

I have found over the years in counseling others (who seem to marvel at my self-contained-ness) that there is a definite initial lonely "period" for those who are willing to tackle being comfortable with being at one with themselves for the first time.

So hooked do people get verbally running everything up the flagpole with anyone who will listen, that to be alone even for an entire evening without being on the phone or online, is really hard...cold turkey. Which proves that we spend so much time listening to our own voices (where words and meaning become simply "conversation"), that we never take the time to be quiet and listen to that inner wise voice (which refuses to compete with your external white noise). One must SEEK it to FIND it because it will not yell...ever! And that requires an investment of time.

But those who I've coached long enough to hang with it (past the lonely stage) begin to not only value that time, but if they can get past the initial solitude issue, begin to crave it and embrace it.

I always love it when I finally get that call when they say, "I can't believe the impact this has had on my life. Not only am I no longer lonely, but now I no longer have the fear of being lonely ever again because I'm present for myself." Those of you who pray, know this to be true as well. Whatever you think your inner God is, speaks through that inner voice which is what taps us into a universal sense of poignant but drama-free humanity that "people" often cannot.

Once we start quietly unpacking our own luggage versus inadvertently dumping it on others, our relationships become productive, focused and more meaningful. We then begin to have the courage to start the editing process. When our alone time becomes valuable, we then can more quickly identify the "takers" from the contributors...the mindless from the mindful.

We are here to share our truths with each other. But first we have to be quiet long enough to find them, test them, and know them to be true, and then you'd be surprised at how you begin to draw like-minded people to you.


bottom of page